I based this off the show verses telling exercises we did in class. Here were my other two entries that I didn’t share along with one new one.
Tell: Her boyfriend left her and broke her heart.
Show: The ashen pieces float away on the wind, and out of her life just like him. The fire blazes when it touches the cologne drenched bear, destroying the last shrine to him. That is those that could be destroyed.
Tell: The girl is bored.
Show: She noticed them now, over a million of them on every inch of her desk. They twist like leaves caught up in a never ending breeze around her. Why had it taken so long for her to notice these tiny performers?
Tell: The girl is afraid of snakes.
Show: The sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach increased as they got closer to the glass case. She could already see the long slender body slivering towards its awaiting crowd. She stopped and refused to move. This was as far as she was willing to go.
Tell: Her boyfriend left her and broke her heart.
ReplyDeleteShow: The ashen pieces float away on the wind, and out of her life just like him. The fire blazes when it touches the cologne drenched bear, destroying the last shrine to him. That is those that could be destroyed.
I think some of the words here may be a bit abstract. Ashen pieces of what? Can you expand on that image? I can picture a colgne-drenched bear ablaze - but its not really in any setting, the bear is just kind of floating around in space burning. Is she in her living room or backyard? Try to set the scene for our internal cameras and I think this will work much better.