Improv Week 10

This is a rewrite of my Improv of "I am 21".

I plopped the half empty Tri Beta mug back in the coffee stained ring on my desk. I can feel the hair rising on the back of my neck, she’s watching me again.

“It’s hot chocolate.”

The click of her pin as she turns back to her 3^rd grade crosswords lets me know she believed the lie. She’s been trying to find the word “parking” for twenty minutes now, her feet propped up on the desk the way my father does in his office when he’s talking to “the little people”. I down the last gulp of my coffee, straining the perfect blend of dark roast, two sugars, and hazelnut creamer between my teeth. Why is she this calm anyways? Its finals week, isn’t it? Oh yeah she’s one of those unworried, underworked, undeclared majors. No direction that their issue. . . her issue.

The light from the computer is burning my eyes, tears starting to well up in the corners.

“Tears are secretions that lubricate and cleanse the eyes of foreign objects. Powerpoint 4 slide 5.”

The cup is empty again, coffee or chocolate. I instantly reach for the coffee packet then freeze when I hear the pen click. I’ll actually make chocolate this time.

Free Entry Week 10

This is a rewrite of the poem I wrote earlier in the semester.

My mother's image

I am the image of my mother.

A woman who’s wrists chafe

from the chains

of those before her.

A woman who’s eyes sting

from the remnants of

pepper spray and tears.

A woman who’s bible

served as her eye wash station,

and its words pulling

together her split heart.

I am my mother’s image.

Reading Response Week 10

This is in response to Waking Life by Dionne Irving. Upon first reading this book I was captivated by the piece’s ability to convey so much in only 28 pages. I was baffled that something as simple as a chap book could weave a story more complex that other books that are substantially longer in length. Another aspect of the piece that intrigued me was that the narrator herself was a writer as well. This put me in the mind of the ars poetica of sorts except with fiction. It made me wonder if the author simply researched the places found within the story or did she actually visit these places before. Also the use of dialogue in this book helped me see the way dialogue should be used. Every line of dialogue used in the book was completely necessary and served multiple purposes. Not only did it show the emotional state of the character at the time, it also revealed the personality of the one who spoke it. Finally I like the way the mother was seen in two different lights. How the narrator addressed the normal perception of a mother and then showed the true nature of her own mother. This dualism when it came to the mother’s personality was what I enjoyed most about the piece.

Calisthenic Week 10

This is what I came up with during the in class calisthenic on character development. I feel that my focus strayed from describing the character and turned into a story.

Onyx

You stand there imaging the scent if she slipped over the balcony. The way the red would melt into the pavement. Your arms clasped behind you, frozen at the wrist like a minor being arrested for the first time. Your eyes darting back and forth the hair on your neck smoothing out as you lock the scene away, the darkness of it a cancer on your heart. Her eyes lock with yours, and you’re trapped. You cringe at the tug on your scarf as she pulls you closer. I can almost hear you wishing to be somewhere other than there on the balcony with her. A mockingbird calls to you from the tree inches away from where you stand. You attempt to focus on it rather than her empathetic, eager eyes. But you can’t break the spell, your body is frozen, telling you to admit defeat. Her hazel orbs burn into you, your senses overwhelmed by the smell of snickerdoodle cookie dough. She leans toward you like Michael Jackson when he performed bad. Run away. You do, now she’s just another memory locked in the piece of onyx in your chest.

Classmate Response Week 10, Response 2

This is in response to Taylor’s junkyard quote: “Hunting should be when you sit up in a tree for three days and you cover yourself in deer piss”. For lack of a better way to say it this quote resonates with me since I know hunters who are just like this. When reading this piece it put me in the mindset of the calisthenic we executed in class. What if you began a character development piece by starting with this deer piss covered hunter then used the outline of sentences to develop his character. I would be intrigued to know where the piece would go. Would it end up being about this “devoted” hunter or would it end up being more about your professor who uttered this line?

Classmate Response Week 10, Response 1

This is in response to Morgan’s Free entry. This piece upon first reading it reminded me of a spoken word piece. The way the lines are structured gives it the meter of a poem that should be performed. For me I feel that last two lines could be omitted. The piece would have added strength if it ended earlier. Like we’ve discussed in class it’s not important to tie up everything neatly at the end of a piece. While there is room to make some of the abstractions more concrete I feel that in this instance the abstractions give the poem a sense of magnitude.

Junkyard Quote 4, Week 10

'Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'?"

-My friend on Facebook-