My mother's image
I am the image of my mother.
A woman who’s wrists chafe
from the chains
of those before her.
A woman who’s eyes sting
from the remnants of
pepper spray and tears.
A woman who’s bible
served as her eye wash station,
and its words pulling
together her split heart.
I am my mother’s image.
This revision of the earlier piece (that I commented on, I believe) is a great improvement. The provision of specific descriptors of the image of the mother figure is interesting. The allusion to the abject status of the mother with details such as "wrist chafe" and "chains of those before her" add a level of depth that should be explored further. For a future revision I would suggest that more descriptors be added. Finally, I would recommend drawing parallels between the image of the and the child, if that is where the thrust of the piece lies.
ReplyDeleteI want more because this is so rich with flexible and concrete images. I think that you should talk about the image of your mother, focusing on some of the mundane things that’s you see in her, or in what the mother represents. I would take a look back to Yusef Komunyakaa’s poem about his Vietnam experience and all the thanks he gave for the times his life was saved or a memorable experience This piece provides a very strong base but some expansion of the image of the mother would provide many dimensions to the work and provide the clearest image of your mother possible.
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