This is just a portion of a story I am currently working on.
Sherron’s feet hit the
pavement hard as she jumped over the towering brick wall. As she tore through
the wood swallowed path, her eyes darted from side to side looking for her
pursuer. The embers in her chest tore at her, begging her to stop. She sucked
in the chilly November air, the life of which only adding to the flames.
“Don’t be like the girls in
horror movies, don’t be like the girls in horror movies.” She continues to run,
fear leaking from every pore.
Up ahead she saw the lights of the safehouse. A few
more steps. . .
The burn of the blue lights
hitting her eyes brought her up short. Her body screamed at the abrupt stop,
her bones turning to ice and her lungs gulping for air like her goldfish when
he jumped out of his Dixie cup and landed on a pair of scissors. She set her
jaw and prepared herself for what was coming. The crunch of his feet as the
size 12 combat boots scattered the gravel reminded her of stepping on the
maggots spilling out of the trashcan in the kitchen.
“Maggots, nature’s rice
krispies.” Her mom, Ira explained when she swept up the flattened critters.
A plume of smoke escaped his freezer burned lips as he
spoke.
“Beat ya home.”
“No fair daddy. You have a
car.”
I want to read more! There is such great language and imagery in this draft! This line " Her body screamed at the abrupt stop, her bones turning to ice and her lungs gulping for air like her goldfish when he jumped out of his Dixie cup and landed on a pair of scissors," is pure magic.. So unexpected.. a fish jumping out of a dixie cup and lands on scissors, so random!! I love how you say the size of his combat boots, "size 12." So specific! I love how the speaker is willing herself to to be like the girls in the movies, because i know if i was running, i would probably be screaming that in my head too!! Great draft, can't wait to see more!
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