This is what I wrote based on our in class calisthenic.
My eyes flicker back up to the screen where a game
of cat and mouse is being played. I’ve watched this show before, but now I can
see that the constant circle of frying pans to the face and 200 feet falls off
cliffs are wearing away at them. Every day at 2:30 for our sick amusement these
barbarians of the pencil fight. Jerry simply trying to survive, and then there’s
Tom begging for sympathy he doesn’t deserve.
Sympathy. Ha, no one in this world cares about
sympathy. It’s treated like the sample of koolickles in the supermarket,
everyone takes it whether they truly want it or not. But who deserves sympathy?
I thought I knew once. I thought it was my friend Tom who grew up in a
household where fathers hunched over Scotch bottles. But later I realized Tom
didn’t deserve anything. He never told me about his kleptomania, or the violent
rampages.
I like how the reversal is for sympathy, and how you play it out with a person named Tom. Where this piece stops I definitaly want to hear more. I like the line about how the replayed shenanigans of frying pans and falls are "wearing away at them." You could spend more time on this idea, give more examples... powerful beginning, especially for a rough draft!
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