For this entry I simply sat at the top of the UCC and wrote
what I saw, but tried to see it through the eyes of another character. I never
stopped to think about what I was writing, I simply wrote until I felt like I
should stop. When writing it I tried not to focus on what I was writing and if
it included all the elements we discussed in class. This proved harder than I
thought
Happiness in its purest form like the first time you taste
ice cream, or the thrill of breaking your first bone. Those were the only words
she could think of as she looked out across the lush green campus blanketed by
a choking layer of pollen. From her roost at the top of the UCC all the
students milling about the campus looked like little dust particles sweep up
and carried by a non-existent breeze. She watched the thousands of cars pulling
into and backing out of yellow lined parking spaces like honeybees lapping at
flowers. Her face wrinkles into a smile as she watched the future X-Games BMX
rider come to a very impressive wheelie halt as one of the thousand campus cats
strutted into his path.
Wonderful performance of the free-write exercise. It's amazing to see the variegated array of language that emerged from such a short time. What if this was a daily or weekly exercise?
ReplyDelete"the thrill of breaking your first bone" - a really eerie phrase that can be culled for a lot of intellectual fodder
"a choking layer of pollen" - very visceral because the pollen becomes a living threat.
"a non-existent breeze" - breeze seems to already contain non-existence (in a phenomenological sense). Perhaps some dissonance would help, i.e. "stalker breeze" or "pervert breeze".
"X-Games BMX rider come to a very impressive wheelie halt as one of the thousand campus cats strutted into his path." - great language! (Personal non sequitur: I miss watching the X-Games. Are they still good?)
For a a future exercise you should completely embody the character, that is, take on her voice and perspective. For example, describe the cars the girl sees in her own words.
Keep it up Drika!